To Our Family and Friends:
 
The "Holiday Season" is a time of family - festive gatherings, worshiping together, sharing love and gifts, and cherished memories.  For the bereaved parent, these aspects of the season are precisely what make us dread its arrival.
 
The absence of our child when the "whole family" gathers seems to accentuate our incomplete family.  We are soley reminded of "how it used to be" and don't want to accept what is now.  We need patience and understanding of our family and friends to help us though the holidays as best we can.
 
We may want to change the way we spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Hanukkah.  If the family traditionally gathers at one house, perhaps the gathering place could be changed, especially if the gathering home is that of the bereaved.  If we do prepare the meal, be aware that we may not have the energy we have had in the past and will need a lot of help.
 
Perhaps we'll try to avoid the holiday altogether by going away for a few days.  Whatever our thoughts are for coping with the day, please take our feelings into consideration when you make your plans.
 
For some of us shopping for gifts is a painful experience.  The stores' festive decorations and music belie our mood, as we feel forced into participating in the "season." We think longingly about that special gift we won't be buying this year.  Again, our depression saps us of the energy to do the things we have done in the past, and we need your understanding for the things that remain undone.
 
Perhaps the single most helpful thing you can do for us is to include our child in the holidays.  We want to hear his/her name, to have you recall fond memories of their lives, to know that you, too, are feeling their absence and remembering them with love.
 
Getting through the holidays is a rough task for bereaved parents.  We need to handle themin a way that we feel is best for ourselves and our families.  We ask for your love and support duing this especially difficult time.
 
Marge Henning
TCF West Orange, New Jersey